Thoughts on I Saw the TV Glow from a trans perspective.
**Contains Spoilers**
Overview
I Saw the TV Glow (2024) is about two young friends, Owen (Justice Smith) and Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Pain), who bond over a 90s supernatural show called The Pink Opaque. The show is about two teenage girls, Isabel (Helena Howard) and Tara (Lindsey Jordan) who fight demonic threats sent by the evil Mr. Melancholy (Emma Porter). As time goes by, Maddy realizes, and in turn tries to convince Owen, that The Pink Opaque is real and they are actually Tara and Isabel, stuck in a false realm by Mr. Melancholy who has captured them and tampered with their memories. Though Owen knows deep inside that Maddy is right, he can’t bring himself to admit it, choosing instead to remain in his fake life until he can no longer deny it.
Credit: A24
Trans Themes
The movie itself was written and directed by a trans woman named Jane Schoenbrun and explores the trans journey in a way I’ve never seen before. All throughout the film, the trans flag colors–pink, blue, and white–are prevalent, even from the very beginning. Long before Maddy comes to Owen, trying to explain that he is really Isabel, Owen mentions to her how he feels something is wrong inside him but he’s too afraid to explore it thoroughly. Unfortunately, his denial of his true self remains throughout the rest of the film, leading him to reject Maddy and refuse to change, even though he’s miserable as a result.
I have to say, when I first watched this, I was frustrated by the ending. I wanted Owen to finally make the plunge and accept the truth, both that this world is fake and that he’s really Isabel, but instead the final scene appears to have him returning to his “normal” life, even apologizing for having a breakdown when he couldn’t take it anymore. However, after I had time to process it, was able to read interviews with Schoenbrun, and watched it a second time, I came to the conclusion that it’s actually a pretty interesting route to go, and I may have misinterpreted it at first glance.
Transitioning isn’t exactly a walk in the park, and Owen would rather stay in the life he’s grown accustomed to, while knowing it’s not right, even though it makes him suffer, than risk everything by making such a scary, drastic leap. And honestly? Sometimes this is the choice people make. When I first started my own trans journey, I spent an entire year thinking it through to be sure this was right for me. Then, just when I was about to come out, I joined the military right at the worst possible time, when the trans ban was reinstated, and I had to keep this side of me secret for four more years, aside from close friends and family. So I can understand why someone would want to hide something like this. It’s still sad, though, that he’s in denial even to himself, especially since the flashes of him wearing Isabel’s dress are probably the only times in the movie where he smiles. Still, the brief encounters we have with Owen’s dad give the implication that he was raised to reject these types of thoughts.
Credit: A24
Based on what Schoenbrun has to say about the ending, I think what actually happened at the very end is that he’s finally admitted it to himself and will actually start the process moving forward, but we don’t get to see that part of the journey. Instead, we see him apologize for his breakdown and leave, which I originally thought meant he was choosing to remain in denial, but now think that it’s more a matter of him being unable to make that switch completely all at once after spending so many years living in repression. Schoenbrun mentions in one interview that she didn’t want to sugarcoat this part of the process and that the instinct after spending your entire life defaulting to repression as a self-defense mechanism isn’t something that goes away overnight. I can definitely appreciate this perspective on it, and it has been a part of my own personal journey as well. I just wish there had been a more clear-cut final moment that conveyed Owen is actually going to go through with it this time – because cutting to credits where it does, gives off the initial impression that despite his awakening moment, he was reverting back to his “safe” bubble regardless.
Credit: A24
Other Highlights
Aside from all of that, there are other things about the movie that are so interesting to me. For one thing, the 90s aesthetic in the scenes we see from The Pink Opaque are absolutely perfect. It really feels like a show that existed in the 90s. The kicker, though, is when Owen revisits the shows many years later, it’s completely different. That version also feels like something straight out of the 90s, but in a different way, and it perfectly encapsulated the feeling I’ve had before when rewatching something as an adult that I loved as a kid, only to find it to be lame and cheesy, nothing like I pictured in my head.
Credit: A24
Credit: A24
Similarly, Maddy and Owen both mention the phenomena that occurs as people get older, where time seems to start moving faster and faster. You blink, and a year passes, and it feels strange and wrong, different than when you were a kid. I’ve literally had this conversation before with friends, so it was so relatable to see this concept portrayed here, though in this case, they provided an explanation for it.
One other thing I noticed upon my second viewing was the inspirational posters Owen passes in the high school hallway during an early scene. One poster says, “To thine own self be true,” advice Owen clearly doesn’t follow. Another says, “Without courage all other virtues are meaningless,” and courage is something Owen lacks. Maddy describes Isabel as a scaredy-cat, and every time Owen is faced with anything remotely risky he panics and runs away instead.
Conclusion
There are so many things about this movie that feel relatable in a way I haven’t experienced before. It’s particularly interesting to watch as a trans person, but there are other aspects as well that felt so true to things I’ve encountered, like nostalgia turning into disappointment and the nature of growing up. It’s not quite like anything I’ve ever seen before.
EDITOR’S NOTE: For another nostalgic look at this film, check out Commander Shipp’s review of I Saw The TV Glow Review: A Reality-Bending Throwback from when it was in theaters.
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